Archive for the '2005' Category

I DON’T WANT TO GROW UP!

Saturday, October 22nd, 2005

So, nellie and I have decided to venture into the world of home-owners. We are now proud owners of an approximately 30 year old house. We get possession of the house in two months and we are already feeling the pressures of owning a home. Before we even actually move in, we have to replace the wiring in our circuit breaker. In a couple of years, the air conditioning system and roof will need to be replaced.

Its going to be so strange. Our condo is jam packed with stuff and furniture right now, but I know moving all our stuff into the house will suddenly make the house feel empty.

It’ll take a while before I get used to living in a house. The last time I lived in a house, there were 7 other people in it. Now, there will just be one.

The process of selling our condo has been stressful too. Albeit, I know that our condo has only been officially on the market for 4 days, but I feel so rejected. We’ve only had about 4 people come and see it. My expections were that of the revolving door…the demand would be so great the door might as well stay open!!! Okay, I know, unrealistic. Considering we are in the middle of condo land. The competition is definitely fierce.

Well, I will definitely keep you posted.

Ah…the joys of adulthood.

consumed by thoughts

Thursday, October 13th, 2005

con·sume

1. To take in as food; eat or drink up.
2. To expend; use up: engines that consume less fuel; a project that consumed most of my time and energy.
3. To purchase (goods or services) for direct use or ownership.
4. To waste; squander.
5. To destroy totally; ravage: flames that consumed the house; a body consumed by cancer.
6. To absorb; engross: consumed with jealousy.

My husband made fun of me once for using this word in the wrong context. He was helping me with my model of an alveoli back in highschool and I had said something along the lines of “I feel so consumed by this clay.” Yes, at the time, I was illiterate.

Okay, I still am, BUT that is beside the point.

If you read my husband’s blog, he talks about our stupid fan coil problem. He has been so preoccupied by the Condominium Acts and our rights that I’m absolutely sure that he could sit on our condo board to protect the future of condo residents in our building. I will nominate you honey and you can show them what a REAL Board Member of a Condominium looks like. You will be the role model of all Condo Board Members all over the world!!! And I can be the first lady!!!

This is one of the many issues I have been consumed with. I feel like the thoughts are not only absorbing and engrossing every waking minute of my day. I also feel it is destroying totally and ravaging my life. One thing has been happening right after the other. Some good, some bad. I’ve been walking in a daze, remembering that I took the elevator to leave work to suddenly being at home. Not knowing what happened to the in between.

I have forgotten birthdays, walked across the street without looking, stopped calling people and I cannot even keep up with e-mails anymore!

Any time people bumped into me on the street, not even looking back to apologize, I always swore under my breath. And now I am a hypocrite because I have become one of those people. I just don’t care.

And it’s just this one thought that just keeps nagging me and it is just using up my energy. I wish it would go away. But I know it won’t. It is like a bee that just won’t leave my can of pop alone. Not until I squash it.

The Toronto International Film Festival, Day 5

Monday, September 12th, 2005

Another year of Film Festival mayhem begins.

On Day 2, I saw a film titled “October 17, 1961.” I do not know much about the content, which is why I am sure the film was made. It is a French film, directed by Alain Tasma.

It depicts an event in France that has been kept well hidden until now. It was towards the end of the Algerian War of Independence in 1961. On the fateful night of October 17th, the Parisian police were given the okay (well, the Police Director would have turned the other cheek) to take any action necessary against the FLN (Front de Liberation Nationale). Mind you, prior to the fateful night, the FLN were killing the Parisian policeman as well. The FLN finally declared a peaceful demonstration and were unarmed. The Parisian policemen on duty to stop the demonstration were so frightened that they opened fire on unarmed men. The number of Algerian deaths are unknown and may range from 50 to 200.

It was quite sad and it really made me reflect on myself as a human being. Upon leaving the theatre, I felt so vulnerable. I suddenly saw what humans were capable of. And the feeling radiated as I continue to hear killings in my local neighbourhood of innocent victims. Is it really necessary to own a gun? Is owning a gun or shooting one for that matter meant to boost one’s self-esteem. I just don’t understand why weapons that can cause so much hurt and pain be created. What good could possibly come out of owning a gun? Any way one uses it, it hurts.

Last night Nelson and I watched “Pick up the Mic.” It is an American film, directed by Alex Hinton.

Many of the festival films are meant to challenge our views and sometimes our values. This is one of those films. The film is about homosexual (bisexual, FTM and a few other categories I am not familiar with are also involved in this film) hip-hop performers. It was quite interesting actually. Sitting and watching the film, I kept thinking how my mother would have had a heart attack. I liked how this film challenges your views. The performers they featured were quite talented. The only thing that has been preventing them from becoming mainstream is their sexual preference. The documentary format allowed the performers themselves to tell the story of their struggles and of their “coming out.” It allows the viewers to come up with their own judgments. Without a narrator, I was able to come up with my own thoughts instead of having someone tell me what I should think.

Upon finishing the film, my mind felt more open because I did not feel as narrow-minded as I once was. I never thought of myself as narrow-minded, but I admit to having reservations about certain topics. I have always believed that judging people based on their race, sexuality, looks, etc. did not allow me to know the person as a person. I am not perfect and am not preaching that I am perfect. I am far from being perfect. But I have always tried to live my life colour/sexual-blind since I was exposed to racial remarks at such a young age.

Another thing that I realized after finishing the film was how much I loved my husband, Nelson. He is the only one I know that would come out of that film and say “that guy was good” (after hearing a few rappers) and “I did enjoy the film. It was good.” Anyone else, would have made wise cracks or may have even left the film halfway through. Nelson comes from a very traditional Chinese family, so it was a great comfort knowing that he was just as open to new views as I am. I know when he tells our friends about it, he will most likely go into his wise-cracking mode…but I still love him anyways because I know the real Nelson. And I love him more and more each day.

Another thing that happened with Nelson last night that was interesting was that I was celebrity hunting with him. I never thought the day would come when Nelson would stand for 20 minutes with me, hoping to catch a glimpse of a celebrity. We saw the lab geek dude from CSI (the original one, and I would have posed with him if I could remember his name), Sir Anthony Hopkins (who was so nice because he actually came up to us -a celebrity gawking crowd- and offered to give an autograph and have photos taken with him. It’s too bad I was too pre-occupied with trying to take his picture to think I could have been in the picture with him), and Woody Harrelson.

I’m hoping to see Liev Shreiber and Elijah Wood tonight at the screening of “Everything is Illuminated.”

Why do we put celebrities on such a high pedestal? They’re just like any of us, just doing their job publicly. I took a picture of Anthony Hopkins and thought, “Okay, what now? It’s not like I’m going to sell the picture.”

Well, my goal is that if I meet Orlando Bloom, a picture won’t do it. I would treat him to dinner. Don’t worry Kate Bosworth, I’m married to a wonderful man. I don’t want Orlando, I just want to have dinner with him.

Hehe.